CALORIES BURNT DURING SEX

It has been known for many years that sex is good exercise, but until now nobody had made a scientific study of the caloric content of different sexual activities. Now, after 'original and proprietary' research, the scientific community is proud to present the results.

REMOVING HER CLOTHES:

With her consent.................................12 Calories

Without her consent............................2,187 Calories

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OPENING HER BRA:

With both hands.................................. 8 Calories

With one hand....................................12 Calories

With your teeth.................................485 Calories

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PUTTING ON A CONDOM:

With an erection..................................6 Calories

Without an erection...........................3,315 Calories

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POSITIONS:

Missionary.......................................12 Calories

69 lying down....................................78 Calories

69 standing up..................................812 Calories

Wheelbarrow.....................................216 Calories

Doggy Style.....................................326 Calories

Italian chandelier............................2,912 Calories

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ORGASMS:

Real............................................112 Calories

Fake..........................................1,315 Calories

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POST ORGASM:

Lying in bed hugging.............................18 Calories

Getting up immediately...........................36 Calories

Explaining why you got out of bed immediately...1 ,816 Calories

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GETTING A SECOND ERECTION:

If you are:

20-29 years......................................36 Calories

30-39 years......................................80 Calories

40-49 years..................... ................124 Calories

50-59 years...................................1,972 Calories

60-69 years...................................7,916 Calories

70 and over........................Results are still pending

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DRESSING AFTERWARDS

Calmly...........................................32 Calories

In a hurry.......................................98 Calories

With her father knocking at the door..........5,218 Calories
With your wife knocking at the door..........13,521 Calories

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GOT IT IN THE MAIL

An attractive blonde from Dublin arrived at the casino and bet twenty thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice.

She said, 'I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude.'

With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, 'Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!'

As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed 'YES, YES, I WON, I WON!'

She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.

The dealers stared at each other dumb founded.

Finally, one of them asked, 'What did she roll?'
The other answered, 'I don't know - I thought you were watching.'

MORAL OF THE STORY
Not all Irish are stupid; not all blondes are dumb; but all men are men.

Lateral Thinking

If you are good in lateral thinking, then you can be a good strategic thinker or... be a part of Think Tank.

Here is an interesting quiz to test your Lateral

Thinking abilities --- Think!

1. There is a man who lives on the top floor of a very tall building. Everyday he gets the elevator down to the ground floor to leave the building to go to work.Upon returning from work though, he can only travel half way up in the lift and has to walk the rest of the way unless it's raining! Why?

(This is probably the best known and most celebratedof all lateral thinking puzzles. It is a true classic.Although there are many possible solutions which fit the initial conditions, only the canonical answer is truly satisfying. )

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2. A man and his son are in a car accident. The father dies on the scene, but the child is rushed to the hospital. When he arrives the surgeon says,"I can't operate on this boy, he is my son!

"How can this be?

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3. A man is wearing black. Black shoes, socks,trousers, lumper, gloves and balaclava. He is walking down a black street with all the street lamps off. A black car is coming towards him with its light off but somehow manages to stop in time.

How did the driver see the man?

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4. Why is it better to have round manhole covers than square ones?
This is logical rather than lateral, but it is a good puzzle that can be solved by lateral thinking techniques.

It is supposedly used by a very well-known software company as an interview question for prospective employees.

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5. A man went to a party and drank some of the punch.He then left early. Everyone else at the party who drank the punch subsequently died of poisoning.

Why did the man not die?

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6. A man walks into a bar and asks the barman for a glass of water. The barman pulls out a gun and points it at the man. The man says 'Thank you' and walks out.

(This puzzle claims to be the best of the genre. It is simple in its statement, absolutely baffling and yet with a completely satisfying solution. Most people struggle very hard to solve this one yet they like the answer when they hear it or have the satisfaction of figuring it out. )

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PUT ON YOUR THINKING CAP'S...

NEED ANSWER.....LEAVE A COMMENT ....

Cop vs cops in Gemas station

GEMAS: A policeman has lodged a report against all his colleagues including his superiors allegedly over dissatisfaction on how the monthly bribes from those operating illegal activities was being distributed.



In retaliation, one of his superiors, a sergeant, lodged another police report against the policeman, a lance corporal, for allegedly selling station property to scrap dealers.



A source said the lance corporal, in his 40s, was dissatisfied with his superiors for allegedly taking the lion’s share of the bribes while the rank and file received very little.



“In fact, the complainant claimed that he did not get a sen,” the source said.



The report was lodged earlier this week.



The sergeant, in an apparent tit-for-tat, lodged another report against the lance corporal alleging that he had sold some old wooden and iron furniture from the police station to a dealer.



“His colleagues even know where the dealer is operating from,” the source said.



State police chief Datuk Osman Salleh confirmed that a report has been lodged.



“We are investigating the claims made by the lance corporal. We do not want to make conclusions straightaway as the allegations are serious,” he said.



He said all the policemen were still on duty and have not been asked to go on leave.



He said action would be taken against his men if the claims were true.



It is understood that the Anti-Corruption Agency has also started a probe.

******http://thestar.com.my/*******

NUTCASE SAYS: This is Abdulah Ahmad Badawi's government working. Correct,correct,correct me if i am WRONG, Didnt he once say that there will be no CORRUPTION in his government.

How much was spend on the badges like above? Was there corruption involved when the tender was given to manufacture the badges,was there any corruption in designing the badges...

Whats next in his transparent government,

WHATEVER LAH.....FCUKING FED UP

Make Money From The New Subsidy Scheme?

letters to blogby TV Smith
06/06/08

My friend Joey Singh, the former Radio 4 deejay, is always thinking of ways to supplement the miserly 'bunga' he is earning from the bank. He sent me this e-mail on profiteering from the new fuel subsidy scheme. Incidentally, Pos Malaysia has just announced they will hand out cash if you show up in person

.Dear TV Smith,

Can't believe that the people advising our premier could have thought about a RM625 annual subsidy for every private car owner (2000 cc and below)in lieu of govt subsidised fuel at the pump!

Oh, this is so beautiful, if not downright scary. You see, I have a car (30 year-old Toyota Corona) which at market value would be probably 800 to 1,500 ringgit max. Now, I have just got the wildest, most brainy idea that only a Bayi can think of...

I go out tomorrow and buy another 10 cars (each maybe about 500 to 800 ringgit) being sold off by desperate owners because nobody wants them. The cars are ready-for-the-scrapyard kind but just barely good enough for a Puspakom inspection and a transfer of ownership effected to me.

Then I just find a place to store all of these cars (or I could even scrap them and have cash in hand from the besi buruk man) and then armed with only the registration cards of each car, I proceed to take a 3rd party insurance (about 60 ringgit without any NCB per car) and pop in to my friendly Pos Malaysia or JPJ office and spend about 70 ringgit to 100 ringgit for each car for a one year road tax disc.

I spend about roughly 150 ringgit for this procedure and now I hold my breath as the man or lady behind the counter proceed to issue a RM625 ringgit postal order in my name for every card presented at the counter...

My yearly cost is RM 150 and I get RM 625 in return. A whopping RM 475 profit that is equivalent to a 12,000 ringgit in fixed deposit for a year. I rest my case...

Smith, please highlight this letter in your next blog posting. I think I may be on to something. Give me a little credit though...

This former Radio DJ also wants to be an adviser to the PM like everyone else in this country :)

Cheers,

Joey

© 2008 TV SMITHLink to this article: <<http://www.tvsmith.net.my/duasen/060608_letters.html>>

NUTCASE: STUPID GOVERNMENT.....STUPID POLICY.

****GOT IT IN THE MAIL****

Four Doctor's

Japanese doctor says

'Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can take a kidney out
of one man, put it in another, and have him looking for JOB in six
weeks.'

A China doctor says

'That is nothing, we can take a lung out of one person, put it in
another, and have him looking for JOB in four weeks.

A Singaporean doctor says

'In my country, medicine is so far progressed that we can take half a
heart out of one person, put it in another, and have them both looking for JOB in two weeks.'

The Malaysian doctor, not to be outdone, says

'You guys are way behind, we recently took a man with no brains, out
from Kepala Batas, Penang , put him in the Parliament for 5 years, and now
half the country is looking for JOB.'

********GOT IN THE MAIL*******

PLS HELP..........

Hi All,

A fortnight ago, I met a young couple(Mr & Mrs Gobi - Parameswari) who came to Senawang Branch to apply for a personal loan but due to lack of income the loan was not approved.Upon talking to them,I found out that the loan that they applied for,was for their daughter's medical expense.Gobi and Parameswari both (aged 20) have a daughter named Kanisha (1year old) who is very sweet in appearance.Unfortunately, this baby girl has a very rare disease since birth.She is affected by 'Venous Malformation' at the left hand side of her lower lip.It's a disease which causes swelling at the affected area.It is indeed very sad for young girl to suffer from such a disease and the swelling is growing gradually.This girl need financial assistance to enable doctors to remove the growth.The cost of the operation ,including hospitalisation fees is estimated between RM10K - RM 15K.

It would be a great help if u can donate .Shoot me an e-mail to confirm ur willingness to help including the amount you would like to pledge.

Details:

Patient : Kanisha a/p Gobi

Father : Gobi a/l Avedian
( 880407-05-5547)

Mother : Parameswari a/p Arjuna
( 880622-23-5110)

Add : No 71A, Taman Sri Intan,Rantau
71200 Seremban.

Contact Number : 016-2356987

Account Detail : Kanisha & Parameswari

0507-0000216-20-2

CIMB BANK

Attached is a picture of this sweet girl and a letter given by her doctor.

Kindly help.........................

For futher info ,u can cal me,Bawani at 016-2122460.

THANK YOU.