WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST

She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.



WOMEN'S REVENGE

"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
"So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.
"No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."


UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)

I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,
pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,
and still be afraid of a spider.



MARRIAGE SEMINAR

While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication,
Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor,
“It is essential that husbands and wives know each other’s likes and dislikes.”
He addressed the man,
“Can you name your wife’s favorite flower?”
Tom leaned over, touched his wife’s arm gently and whispered, “It’s Pillsbury, isn’t it?”



CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS

A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles.
The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.
He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
She directs him down the correct aisle.
A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.
She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?
He answers, "You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store
to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco
and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper.
So, I figure if I have to roll my own, so can she.

(I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton!)



WIFE VS. HUSBAND

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."



WORDS

A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day…
30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men…
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"



CREATION

A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be
so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
"The wife responded, "Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!



WHO DOES WHAT

A man and his wife were having an argument about who
should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, "You should do it because you get up first,
and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee.
The husband said, "You are in charge of cooking around here and
you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."
Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."
Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says.

"HEBREWS"



The Silent Treatment

A man and his wife were having some problems at home
and were giving each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him
at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
"Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight.
Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him,
when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."

Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.



God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece

***** Got it in the Mail, Sempoi*****

Magic URL

Do the following

1. Go to Google / Yahoo

2. Click images

3. Type "flowers" or any other word of ur choice whose images u like :-)

4. You will get a page which is having full of images

5. Then delete the URL from the address bar and paste the below script

javascript:R=0; x1=.1; y1=.05; x2=.25; y2=.24; x3=1.6; y3=.24; x4=300; y4=200; x5=300; y5=200; DI=document.images ; DIL=DI.length; function A(){for(i=0; i

6. See the magic

Me at Thaipusam 2004 (PENANG)

It was a surprise find...Found it by chance while surfing the net....Don't i look fierce...Hhhmmmm...

And no its NOT PAINFUL AT ALL....

*****image from http://www.pbase.com/tsechien/thaipusam****

A Good News That Is Long Overdue.....

Thaipusam holiday for KL and Putrajaya

By JANE RITIKOS and MARTIN CARVALHO

KUALA LUMPUR: Thaipusam will be a public holiday in Kuala Lumpur and Putrajaya.
Datuk Seri Abdullah Ahmad Badawi, who announced this yesterday to more than 20,000 people from the Indian community at MIC’s Gathering with the Prime Minister at the Badminton Stadium in Cheras yesterday, said he had considered the request by the MIC to declare Thaipusam a public holiday.

“We discussed this matter. They said that during Thaipusam there would be traffic jams everywhere in Kuala Lumpur and it is difficult to get to work. So let it be a holiday,” he said to cheers from the crowd.

Thaipusam, which falls on Wednesday, is already a public holiday in Selangor, Penang, Perak, Negri Sembilan and Johor.

The crowd starting cheering and clapping even before he made the announcement. They cheered as soon as he first brought up the subject by relating how the Indian community at the Ponggal event in Bukit Bintang on Saturday night had reacted excitedly when he promised to consider their request.

When the crowd cheered, he said: “Why are you all cheering?” and the people replied: “Cuti! (Holiday).”
“But we must continue to work. When it is a holiday, we have a holiday. But when it is time to work, we must work hard. Promise this, promise this,” he said.
MIC president Datuk Seri S. Samy Vellu thanked Abdullah for the public holiday in Kuala Lumpur and Putrajaya.

“The Hindus in Malaysia have been waiting for a long time for such good news, and I hope they will not be disappointed,” he said.

He told reporters that although a national holiday had not been declared, the MIC was happy with the news.

He added that the party would forward its appeal for the event to be declared a public holiday in Kedah and Malacca to the states’ mentri besar and chief minister respectively.
Earlier in his speech at the gathering, Samy Vellu said the MIC had also brought up the Thaipusam holiday request with Deputy Prime Minister Datuk Seri Najib Tun Razak and Federal Territories Minister Datuk Seri Zulhasnan Rafique.

He added that MIC was confident the Indian voters would steadfastly remain with Barisan Nasional.

“Let us show to the country that the Indian community fully supports the Prime Minister. We will swim or sink with Barisan,” said Samy who called Abdullah “our leader and the leader for all Malaysians”.

Samy Vellu admitted that there were still many unresolved grievances within the Indian community.

“At the heart of the problem are many issues related to delivery and implementation by the civil service and local governments,” he said.

He took to task “certain political forces” trying to weaken Indian representation in the Government.

**********MIC or HINDRAFF.....U DECIDE ? ? ? ? ?***************

PROTON SAGA.......

apek : itu potong zaka ada bagut ka ?

ali : manyak bagut..bila lu potong haa lu punya barang manyak bersih loo..

apek :?!! err..saya kawan ada cakap,potong zaka aaahh.. manyak ploblem..

ali : apa probrem ?

apek :manyak buang lui..lagi aahh..dia punya performance tatak bagut.. manyak cinang semputloh..

ali : cehh.. apek, lu apa celita.. saya suda lama potong.. tada apa problem.. bini saya manyak puas woo..

apek :lu mini puas sama itu potong zaka ka?

ali : ya la.. bila lu potong aahh.. lagi sedap maen woo.. lu lagi lambat pancut..

apek :???!!! err..lu punya 1.3 atau 1.5 ??

ali : ??!! woi apek cakap baik2 sikit ha.. saya punya 6 incila..

apek :??! tiu nia ma.. lu jgn maen2 haa.. mana ada potong zaka 6 inci..

ali : cilaka apek ni..nah tengok ( bukak sluar )

apek : chee sin punya olang..gua tanya baik2 lu tunjuk lu punya lancau..

ali : abis.. lu tarak percaya..saya tunjuk la..

apek : saya tatak tanya sama lu punya lancau..saya tanya lu pasal itu nasional car.. potong zaka.. molo punya olang..

ali : aiya.. apek.. lain kali lu sebut betul2 la..kasi susa saja.. bukan potong zaka la.. proton saga.. cinabeng btulla..

***Not my masterpice,got it in the mail***

What is The World Coming To?

Hmmmm.......pity the kids.......

How to choose a WIFE....

Ceritanya begini, suatu hari di Kampung Pandan, Kuala Lumpur,ada seorang ibu yang gusar kerana anak sulung lelakinya tak kawin-kawin lagi, so satu hari, si ibu pon bawakla calon-calon yang dirasakan sesuai untuk menjadi bakal menantunya, dia pun menjemput kesemuanya kedalam rumahnya.Lalu memanggil anak sulong lelakinya untuk memilih kut yang mana-mana dia berkenaan...

CALON PERTAMA:

ciri-ciri : Kulit cerah, rambut ikal mayang, pipi gebu, BUKIT besar..... Pekerjaan : Operator telefon merangkap receptionist Si anak lelaki menolak calon pertama. Siibu bertanya mengapa dia menolak, lalu sianaknya pon berkata: " Ala Mak...nih tak syiioookkkk....dia nih selalu cakap SILA TUNGGU SEBENTAR,TUNGGU SEBENTAR"

CALON KEDUA:

Ciri-ciri : Kulit sawa matang, mata bulat dan besar,badan 100% bergetah, BUKITnya Just nice Pekerjaan : Setiausaha Lalu sianak lelaki berkata "Nih lagi tak syyiiiooookkkk...asyik-asyik HARAP BERSABAR...BERSABAR" Siibu pon gelisah kerana kebanyakkan calon yang ditunjukkan tidak memenuhi kriteria anak lelakinya... lalu dia pon menjemput calon terakhir...

CALON TERAKHIR:

Ciri-ciri : Kulit gelap-gelita,mata sepet sikit, badan 99.99999% bergetah, BUKITnya kurang memuaskan Pekerjaan : Guru. Tanpa segan silu dan memikir panjang lalu si anak lelaki ini bersetuju untuk memilih calon ini. Lalu si ibu pon pening kepala lalu bertanya kepada anak lelakinya mengapa dipilih calon ini. Lalu anaknya pun memberitahu... "Hah! mak nih la syyiookkk sikit...kalau cikgu best sikit..pasal diaselalu cakap ULANG SEKALI LAGI, BUAT BANYAK-BANYAK, SALAH NIH,BUAT MACAM NIH 10 KALI LAGI, TERUSKAN..HAH..TERUSKAN DAH BETUL TUH..."

Tiba-tiba adik ! lelaki tersebut yang berumur 10 tahun menyampuk plak... "Bang!!!....Konduktor bas mini lagi bagus bang.... Diorang selalu cakap...."NAIK CEPAT,NAIK CEPAT...MASUK,MASUK..... MASUK LAGI, DALAM LAGI...DALAM LAGILAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, MASUK BELAKANG....BELAKANG LAGI,LAGI BELAKANG SANA ...BELAKANG BANYAK KOSONG!......

Very the sempoi one..... **** Again,its not my words,got it in the mail****

Heartbreaker 101: How to Heal and Move On After Breaking Someone's Heart

Given the choice, most people say they would much rather break up with someone than get broken up with. But if you've recently initiated a breakup, you know how tough it can be.
Just because you summoned the courage to end your dead-end relationship doesn't mean you're not feeling a little heartache yourself (or experiencing some guilt for causing your ex heartache). But fear not, my brave friend. You are not alone. Following are some do's and don'ts that should make moving on that much easier.

Don't: Call, email, text or visit your ex in a moment of weakness

Even though you brought on the breakup, there may still be times when you miss your ex.
Even though you brought on the breakup, there may still be times when you miss your ex. A song might come on the radio that reminds you of them. Something funny will happen and you'll want to share it. Or maybe you're just having a bad day and want to reach out and reconnect.
STOP RIGHT THERE. Missing your ex is one thing. Contacting your ex is a no-no. In fact, reconnecting with your ex is the absolute worst thing you can do right now. So before you have that moment of weakness, remove your ex's number from your cell phone, delete their email address, and take them off your social networking contacts. (Right now.)

Do: Ask friends for help

Because you initiated the breakup, your friends may not know that you're hurting. But if you are, it's important to ask for help, a.k.a. You'll want to choose a least three friends who know you well enough to know when you need comfort versus when you need a kick in the pants.
Your Boo-Hoo Crew should always know (and be able to remind you) why your ex wasn't good for you .Your Boo-Hoo Crew should always know (and be able to remind you) why your ex wasn't good for you then, and why they're definitely not worth pining over now.

Don't: Second-guess your decision

After a breakup, it's all too easy to second-guess yourself and your choices. Did I do the right thing? Should I have given him/her another chance? Maybe there was more I could do to make it work... The truth is, you can make yourself crazy second-guessing your decision. But what's done is done. You had your reasons, made your decision, and now it's time to accept and move on.

Do: See your breakup for what it really is

You may not know it right now, but in ending your relationship with the wrong person, you're paving the way to meet the right one. Chances are good that you won't meet Mr. or Ms. Right overnight, but that doesn't mean the breakup was a bad decision.
By walking away from that wrong relationship, you're headed towards a life that's more honest and authentic for you.
By walking away from that wrong relationship, you're headed towards a life that's more honest and authentic for you. What better way to eventually attract your perfect partner than by living and loving your own life?

Don't: Badmouth your ex

In the aftermath of a breakup it's all too easy to badmouth your ex, spilling their dirty little secrets to anyone who will listen. Don't do it. Badmouthing your ex may feel good momentarily, but the fallout from those harmless snarky comments can be detrimental to your healing process, not to mention your dating future. Breakup karma is a bitch you don't want coming after you, so zip the lip and move on with dignity.

Do: Become a breakup rock star

And speaking of moving on, did you know that you can not only survive your breakup but actually thrive? By applying the lessons you learned from your last relationship, and refining what you want out of life and eventually from your perfect partner, you have the chance to reclaim yourself and become the ultimate breakup rock star. So go ahead, rock on!

****Not my words,got it in the mail****

HAPPY PONGGAL TO EVERYONE.....

My Fifteen Minutes of Fame

Me,second from left and all the beautifull girls. This was on The Star, Friday November 9, 2007

50 Mistakes Women Make When Having Sex.

1. Assuming he can get a raging hard on when it suits you. Contrary to popular belief, men can't just flip a switch and get it up because you decided to stop being a frigid bitch. Getting it hard is your job. I suggest you figure it out.

2. Thinking that kissing needs to be this sweet romantic thing all the time. Sometimes pressing your lips against your partners mouth while you get off is the hot. It depends on the situation.

3. Leaving him responsible for your orgasm. You know what gets you off. Tell him. If you don't, it's your own fault when he's snoozing and you're all wound up.

4. Expecting him to cuddle. Men and women are wired differently. Sex makes most women want to talk and bond and all that shit. It makes men pass out. It's a biological thing. Stop fighting it, and stop holding it over his head, it's not his fault.

5. Expecting him to fall asleep with you in his arms. That shit is uncomfortable after awhile. A little snuggling isn't unreasonable, but when it's time to actually sleep? An arm draped over you should suffice.

6. Expecting him to always lay on the charm and romance. Sometimes, that's nice. Sometimes. But expecting him to be all roses and candles all the time is like expecting you to act like a pornstar all the time. If you're not willing to do that, don't expect him to switch for you.

7. Being selfish in bed. Regardless of the shit that Cosmo forces down our throats, sex is NOT just about us. Get over it.

8. Using Cosmo as a sex bible. I dont know who comes up with half that shit, but I'm pretty sure they need counseling.

9. Whining when he pushes your head down on his cock instead of stroking your hair. Know why he's pushing, skippy? Because you aren't doing it right, and have apparently ignored the other clues he's given you. Pay attention to the signals that he's sending you.

10. Not moving at all. Missionary is not an excuse to do nothing.

11. Expecting him to undress himself with any amount of grace. He's about to get some pussy. Be glad he bothered to take his pants all the way off. If it concerns you so much, undress him yourself.

12. Not shaving your legs. Im pretty bad at this myself. But if you want your guy stubble free, you better get out the razor.

13. Allowing your crotch to resemble the amazon. Yes, waxing hurts. Yes, some people don't want to go bare. Thats fine. If you like bush, great. If you have sensitive skin and can't shave, I feel for you. But for the love of Christ, trim that shit if you want him to spend any time down there.

14. Assuming that sex means a relationship. The only relationship you have is that he has now stuck his hoo hoo dilly in your cha cha. That's as far as it goes unless otherwise noted.

15. Withholding oral sex just because you're ragging. He didn't do it. Unless you want him to withhold oral sex because he's hormonal, I suggest you get some kneepads.

16. Expecting him to figure out what you like by what noise you make. Use your words. Have you ever actually heard what you sound like while you're having sex? If you heard yourself on tape, and someone asked you to explain what was causing you to make that noise, 67% of women would respond with answers like "I stubbed my toe" "I ran up the steps" or "I was putting up drywall".

17. Leaving condoms up to him. If you're sexually active and insist that he uses a condom, I suggest buying a box and keeping it by your bed. Not all men keep them on them, and it's just as much your responsibility as it is his. If you think that makes you a slut, you shouldn't be having sex anyway. Go back to Jr High.

18. Getting your undies in a bunch when he talks dirty. A little fantasy can be fun. If he treats you with respect all the time, you shouldn't be offended when he calls you his dirty little slut. When he calls you a whore and tells you to come, its his way of showing that he cares if you get off. Stop being a sissy.

19. Refusing to be spontaneous. I know this is shocking, but sometimes sex OUTSIDE of the bedroom is fun.

20. Dissing quickies because it's not some slow sensual ordeal. Sex is a dynamic thing. Theres an awesome raw energy when you only have 20 minutes but having to have someone so bad that you do it half clothed against the wall. Readjust your thinking.

21. Being too much of a pussy to tell him what is or isn't acceptable before you start bumping uglies. Be honest. If he asks if he can poke you in the butt, and you giggle and say no like it's an invitation, don't look surprised when he "accidentally" sticks his cock in your butt.

22. Expecting him to undress you. I put a bra on almost every day. I know for a fact that getting them off isn't always easy. Help a brother out.

23. Undressing in the dark. If youre shy, dim the lights, but give the man something to see. No ripping off the clothes and diving under the covers, either.

24. Refusing to get on top. Theres no reason men should have to do all the work.

25. Getting that bored look on your face. Men are more visual than women. Give him something to look at. Get on top and arch your back a little bit. Move. Do something to indicate that you 1) are not dead and 2) didn't suffer a minor stroke rendering you unable to move.

26. Expecting him to do all the touching when you're riding him. It's your body, you're used to it. Play with your tits, rub your clit, do something to make his job easier.

27. Being too afraid to guide your partner's hand when hes touching you. Don't like the way he's doing it? Gently take his hand and show him how you like it.

28. Getting into bed, getting naked, fooling around and then deciding that you just want to cuddle, then getting offended when he doesn't. Its your choice to stop, but don't look all fucking surprised when he's confused. You got him naked in your bed, what else did you think was going to happen?

29. Refusing to let him take control. So your a feminist. Big fucking deal. Letting him call the shots doesn't make you any less of one.

30. Refusing to take control. Its ok to crawl across a bed to him on all fours, push him down and crawl on top. It's not his responsibility to start things all the time.

31. Forgetting that he has a body that likes to be touched, too. Men have things like backs and shoulders and stomachs and other parts that are fun to kiss and touch. You miss a lot of good places by concentrating solely on his penis.

32. Ignoring his balls. Seriously, they are there. Kiss them, lick them, suck on them, make a relationship with them, just don't ignore them.

33. Leaving him to his own devices. Nothing is worse than a girl who gets you most of the way off and then bolts because she doesn't want to deal with the mess.

34. Launching into some speech about not being an object for sex when he tries to titty fuck you. Jesus Christ, just push them together and enjoy yourself. You get a great view.

35. Expecting him to handle you like a porcelain doll. I'd hate to be the bearer of bad news, but you're not going to break, sister. So doing it against the wall gives you a bruise on your shoulder. Look at it later and giggle at the memory.

36. Refusing to try things in the name of "making love". You're not making anything. You are naked. With another person. Making strange faces and weird noises. Stop romanticizing it.

37. Taking things way too seriously. Sex is funny. Actually it's hilarious. Somewhere along the line, someone is going to fall off of a bed, hit their head on a lighting fixture, accidentally kick a midget or trip over a goat. It's how you deal with it that really matters.

38. Throwing a bitch fit when he asks for a 3 some. Its the American dream. (I know my ex is reading this right now, so a quick interjection. One request for a 3 some is ok. Every 5 minutes, not so much. Know the difference).

39. Continuing a blow job knowing that you have god awful cotton mouth. Really. Grab a bottle of water.

40. Nails. Its one thing tracing them up and down your partners back. Its another when you snag the goods with a claw.

41. Bitching when you get jizz on you. You're having sex. That will happen. Thats the entire point of sex. Establish where he can and cant jizz and be done with it. Remember, it tightens the pores.

42. Not making any noises at all. Moan. Scream his name. Something so he knows he's the best you've had, even if he isn't.

43. Faking orgasms. Just. Don't. By faking (IF he believes you) he thinks he's doing everything right. And if he doesn't know its not working, he's not going to change it. Starting a vicious cycle of unfulfilling sex which will eventually be very damaging to his ego.

44. Not washing before sex. I know that sex is spontaneous, this is more of a general statement. If you haven't showered that day, and things smell a little...fishy...perhaps demanding oral sex is a little ridiculous of you.

45. Anything that involves inserting anything into his body that he has not specifically approved before hand. I don't care what Cosmo says, some things are simply not pleasant surprises.

46. Refusing to use oils/whipped cream/other messy but fun things because you have 541510630 count Egyptian cotton sheets that were made by hand by the only person alive capable of sewing that pattern. They'll wash.

47. Doing all of your before bed things before sex. Yes, sleeping with makeup on is bad. Now is not the time to remove it, you can do that later. And really fucking you with your hair in a ratty scrunchie with acne cream on your nose is not all its cracked up to be.

48. Cleaning up after sex. Wiping the splooge off is one thing. But changing the sheets immediately so you can get the other ones in the washer and then sanitizing everything your naked body might have possibly passed by is not the way to do it.

49. Making a big deal out of it if he loses his hard on. This is not an interrogation, or 20 questions. It happens, he's probably mortified and you are NOT helping. Refrain from using phrases like "it happens to every guy". Just move to other activities until it gets hard again, and if it doesn't, get off another way with him. He's still capable of getting you off. Mumbling "Forget it" and rolling over are not ok.

50. Asking questions right afterwards. The woman equivalent of "was it good for you?". Now is not a good time to ask "What this means". Right now, it means he probably needs to take a drink, a leak and a nap, perhaps not in that order.

(GOT THIS IN THE MAIL...NOT MY CREATION)